I don’t know if I was more surprised that my water had just
broken or that the doctors were pretty much on target with the due date? How do
they figure out stuff like that? I mean right down to the very date! That would baffle me for years later and I’m
not sure why.
I wasn't sure what to do. I knew my water has broken, or at
least I thought it had but I wasn't having contractions or feeling anything.
So, we got dressed and made our way up to the front office where we could use a
phone (our phone hadn't been turned on yet) and call my doctor’s office. I can’t
remember her name but the little lady at the front office, her eyes got really
big when I told her I thought my water had broken. She knew who I was and she
was well aware that I was pregnant but I think she was thinking I was going to
be having the baby there in the office. I was pretty sure ‘that’ wasn't going
to happen. At all.
I called the doctor’s office and explained that I was pretty
sure that my water had broken, even though I had just been there on Wednesday
for a regular appointment and was only dilated at a 2. They told me to go ahead
and come into the office and they would check everything out.
So, we packed the bags, pillows and everything else that you
practiced to pack and take when it was time to have a baby. My doctor’s office
was next door to the hospital and it was about 10-15 minutes away from the
house, so we made sure to pack and take what we needed to avoid driving back
and forth. We would wait and call the in laws who were at work until we knew
for sure what was going on.
We got to the doctor’s office and remember how I told you
that I was supposed to have met all 4 doctors by the time the baby had come so
that I would be familiar with them all? Well there was one, one doctor I hadn't
met yet and sure enough, she was going to be our doctor. I always thought that
was crazy. Anyways, she checked me out and confirmed that my water had indeed
broken but, I was still dilated at a 2. She said that I needed to be induced to
get labor going because I already had lost the water and everything else hadn't
progressed. My hopes of being close to delivery were diminished really fast.
But, it was time to head to the hospital per doctor’s orders. She said that I
would be induced when I got there and that she would meet me over there.
I hadn't eaten all
morning and so on the way to the hospital next door we went through the
drive-thru at McDonald's to grab a cheeseburger and an orange drink. I didn't
realize that I wasn't going to be allowed to eat later and I was going to
regret later only having eaten a cheeseburger and a drink. I should have eaten
10 of them.
We made it to the hospital by 12:30 or so. I remember by
1:30, they had given me whatever that stuff was called to induce me. After I
was settled in, we made the call to the in-laws to let them know. The nurses had said that the
induction would take a few hours so we told the in-laws to not bother coming
until they were off work that evening.
Then it was time to wait for what seemed like forever. I
remember getting hungry and asking the nurse if I could have something to eat
and she told me no. I was so mad. I was hungry! The cheeseburger had worn off a
long time ago and she wanted to offer me ice-chips, like ice-chips were going
to satisfy my need to eat real food. They told me it would make me sick and I
was willing to be sick. I couldn't even have a Popsicle! Ice-Chips and water.
The hours kept on dragging. Nothing was happening. I wasn't
feeling contractions and I hadn't really dilated much. I tried to sleep as I
could, between the nurses coming in and out, that wasn't proving to be a great
idea.
Finally, around 4 in the afternoon, I was starting to feel
something that I knew only had to be contractions. When the nurse came to check
on me, I told her I was finally feeling them. So she went to get the epidural
people. It was their turn to do their magic. I had already made it known to
whoever that I was going to have an epidural, there were no ifs about it.
I remember having read the brochures and pamphlets about
epidurals and the descriptions of how it was given to you but none of that
reading material had described what was about to happen to me and my epidural. The guy came in and did what he did through
my back. I didn't really feel much because of the other pain meds they had
given to me through my IV. It didn't take him long it seemed and as I laid back
in my bed waiting for it to kick in, the contractions were only getting harder.
You see, I didn't realize that when they injected that wire inside your back
that you were supposed to instantly feel the epidural kick in. I thought it was
supposed to gradually make it’s way into my system and I would know it when it
had ‘arrived’. But, I kept on waiting and finally after the nurse had come in,
she was wondering what was wrong with me. I asked her how long it was supposed
to take for the epidural to kick in and her eyes got really big and she said ‘instantly’.
She proceeded to ask me if I was feeling
the pain from the contractions and I quickly told her ‘yes’. I wasn't sitting
there in almost tears for no reason.
So, the nurse called the epidural people back and explained
that something had gone wrong. So, the guy sat me up in bed, I had a couple of
nurses in there literally holding me, the contractions were really kicking in
and it hurt. BUT, that’s not what hurt as bad. Because they thought the
epidural had kicked in the first time, they cut back the pain meds in my IV.
So, as I was sitting there feeling every contraction, I was feeling the big
needle going into my back and not just that but the wire he was pushing in and
pulling out. At one point he asked me if I could feel what he was doing and I
said ‘yep, sure can’. He apologized over and over. I was sitting there in
tears. I wasn't sure what hurt more, the contractions or him and the needle and
wire. We weren't sure that day if the problems with the epidural were related
to my back problems or not. But it was rare that an epidural would be that
complicated to administer.
Finally, I felt the epidural magic kick in and I knew
without a doubt it was the epidural. I think the guy had given me more of the
epidural to make sure that it got to where it was supposed to be because I was
pretty much paralyzed from the waist down. For a few hours I got to feel what
it would be like to be paralyzed and not be able to move your legs, your feet
or toes. It was a weird feeling.
The second epidural was done and had kicked in about
5:30ish. I was tired and still wasn’t dilated enough to do anything. I was told
at the rate I was going, I wasn’t going to be fully dilated until midnight and
I wasn’t allowed to start pushing until I was fully dilated! I was getting
aggravated.
Sometime that evening the baby was having a few minor
issues, he was coming but not as easily as hoped. I remember I had a Filipino
nurse come in after the shift change that evening, she was so sweet and I loved
her. She at one point had to come in and get me to lay on one side to see if
that got the baby moving some more. I’ll never forget her telling me to roll
over but I looked at her with this blank look on my face and said I couldn't
feel my legs. If I was rolling over, I didn't know it because thanks to the
awesome epidural, I couldn't feel a thing! It took her and Jonsey to help me
roll me to one side. Again, that was the weirdest feeling, not being able to
feel.
The in-laws had already come to see me around 6:00 but after
they learned that the process could take a while longer, they decided to go
home. I was wishing I could go home too and eat. But, no, I was stuck in a bed,
waiting for what seemed like forever for this baby to come already. Don’t get
me wrong, I enjoyed being pregnant to some degree but like every expecting mom
out there, by this time you are just wanting it to be over by now. You just
want to hold your baby and in my case, I wanted to eat real food.
Finally around midnight I heard the most wonderful words
come from the nurses mouth, ‘You can start pushing now’. I had been ready to
push already but they told me not to. So, push I did for almost 4 hours
straight. I would push and push. They said that I was helping the baby get
moving, I wasn’t sure what was up with this kid, he was just taking his sweet
time making his exit and he was wearing me out.
My poor nurse, she would help me push and tell me that I was
doing great and I wasn't sure what ‘great’ meant. I thought she meant I was
getting ready to have him and he was going to just come out and be done. No.
Her idea of doing ‘great’ was that she could see his head. I couldn't see a
darn thing and that was after I asked for a mirror so I could see what they
were seeing. I wasn't seeing anything. All I knew was that I was getting tired
and exhausted and irritable. I had already bitten Jonsey’s head off as he could
find no other kinds of words to say when I would push. It was the same words
over and over, finally I told him to shut up. I remember the nurse grinning and
nodded her head in his direction and said ‘you might want to do that’.
Sometime around 3:00 on October 4th, my doctor
came in, the one I had only met once and she took in consideration what was
going on. I begged her and the nurse to do something that I couldn't push any
more. If they hadn't been there to talk to me and poke and prod, I would have
just fallen asleep. I was almost in
tears, that was how exhausted I was. Finally the doctor realized that she was
going to have to help, that the baby just wasn't coming on his own and she didn't
want him going into distress mid delivery. So, the inevitable happened and she
had do some cutting and later some stitching and I had to do some pushing. But,
around 3:47 am, Mr. Dalton Michael would make his appearance, all 8lbs and 7
ounces of him.
I remember they took him to his table and he wouldn't cry. I
couldn't hear anything and because everything had gotten a bit complicated during
the last hour or so, I was concerned that something was wrong with him. But, in
a short couple of minutes that seemed like hours, I heard him muffle out a cry
and then I cried. He was okay. The nurses got him cleaned up enough and brought
him to me and I held him ever so gently. I just looked at him in awe and wonder
and for a few seconds, everything that had led up to that very minute didn't
matter anymore. I didn't get to hold him long, the nurses wanted to get him to
the nursery where they would clean him up and do what they needed to do.
In the
mean time, I was getting stitched up and even though I wanted to go to sleep,
the nurses wouldn’t let me. There was more to do it was already after 4:00am.
Eventually the doctor was done doing what she needed to do and it was time to
move me to another room. I remember the first thing I asked the nurses was if I
was allowed juice or something relative to food. I was so grateful to get some
orange juice but that was all I was allowed but I wasn't complaining.
After they got me settled in my new room, the meds started
wearing off. Nobody told me though that when the meds wore off, I was going to
go through some serious hot flashes. I’ll never forget thinking that the
thermostat in my room was broken. It felt like it wasn't working at all. They
even had a repair man come in and for a while he worked at that thermostat. It
was all of the meds I had been on that was causing me to be incredibly hot and
miserable.
Eventually sleep kicked in. The nurses said it would be a
while before I could see Dalton. We were also getting closer to the shift
change at 7:00am and the new nurses would need to do whatever it is they do. So
sleep I did as I could.
Finally, they brought me my baby and I got to hold him and
stare at him. He was already an amazing baby. He never cried. He slept and when
he was awake, he was trying to see the big world around him. He was perfect.
Even when he cried, his cry was quiet and muffled, not ear-piercing like some
of the other babies I remember hearing down the hall. I tried breast feeding
but he wasn't really co-operating with me on that. So, we went back and forth
between that and baby milk.
The in-laws stopped by and got to hold their grandson and
checked on me. They were the only family though and in the back of my mind, I
couldn't help but think that my family should have been there. I wish they had
been there anyways. They were missing out and it was a bit hard on me. But, I
focused on Little Man. I remember I got to eat real food that morning. Because
of the meds though, I didn't eat as much as I had been convinced I could have
eaten, but it was nice to eat real food again and not just ice-chips!
I had a bit of healing to do though, so I wouldn't leave the
hospital until a day or so later. I can’t remember how long it was, it wasn't
longer than 2 days and I was ready to go home. The hospital and the nurses had
been great though, I couldn't have asked for better staff during my stay there.
It was all definitely an experience, one that you just don’t forget, no matter
how many years later.
But home was looking more and more appealing. We would leave
with our precious little baby and a prescriptions for pain meds for me (who was
still pretty sore you know where). We would have to stop at the local Walmart
and get my prescriptions filled and grab a couple of groceries. I had to be
pushed in a wheelchair, I certainly was
not walking around. So, as I was pushed in my wheel chair, I held my baby and
of course everyone who saw me could tell that I was a new mommy and
congratulated me. I wouldn't let anyone touch him of course. But it felt pretty
cool and special.
Finally we made it home. I would find my way to the couch
and while the car was unloaded and things put away, I would hold my baby who
was just quiet and calm.
I remember that night as I went to bed, Dalton was in his
bassinet next to my side of the bed and as he lay there asleep, I found
myself sitting there staring at him. I was staring at this little person who I
had worked so long and hard to bring into this world. You know, even when you’re
pregnant, you do things and don’t do things to protect the baby while you’re pregnant,
the instincts do to do whatever it took to protect them already kicks in but
then you have them and that instinct is even stronger and now you realize you
have to do whatever it takes to protect them because they are so little and
fragile.
I remember the tears crawling down my face as the realization hit me
that this was ‘my’ baby and he was finally here. But little did I know sitting
there by the side of the bed that one day it was just going to be me and him,
all I knew was what was then and now. He was here and life was going to be
forever different from that day forward.
Until next time, inspire and make a difference.
~The Adopted Child
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