Did You Know?
Consistency Is The Key!
That 95% (or more) of children who are adopted thrive in an atmosphere where 'consistency' is incorporated in to their lifestyle?
Most adopted children, in their mind, need to know that there is a routine or something familiar that happens in their life on a daily basis. Consistency in routine, in their environment, in the people who interact with them all play a big role in how they interact in their environment and with their adopted family. Why is there a need for consistency and why is it so important?
The need is for this reason. Most adopted children started off being placed in different foster homes, their environment with their biological parents was not consistent and things there were very unsure. After being 'passed around' as it is sometimes referred to, at some point the adopted child wants to feel secure and they look for that in the small things. They want to know that the same people that are in their lives right now, are there to stay and are safe people. They want to know that what happens today, will happen tomorrow and in the days ahead. When everything doesn't stay the same, it causes them to react and in most cases over react because things are changing once again. They no longer feel safe or they don't feel like things in their life are not permanent or secure. Security plays a big factor in adoption but I'll address that later and separately.
Do you have experience with this issue? Or do you have advice about how to be consistent?
Feel free to share it here in the comments below!
~The Adopted Child
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Consistency Is The Key!
That 95% (or more) of children who are adopted thrive in an atmosphere where 'consistency' is incorporated in to their lifestyle?
Most adopted children, in their mind, need to know that there is a routine or something familiar that happens in their life on a daily basis. Consistency in routine, in their environment, in the people who interact with them all play a big role in how they interact in their environment and with their adopted family. Why is there a need for consistency and why is it so important?
The need is for this reason. Most adopted children started off being placed in different foster homes, their environment with their biological parents was not consistent and things there were very unsure. After being 'passed around' as it is sometimes referred to, at some point the adopted child wants to feel secure and they look for that in the small things. They want to know that the same people that are in their lives right now, are there to stay and are safe people. They want to know that what happens today, will happen tomorrow and in the days ahead. When everything doesn't stay the same, it causes them to react and in most cases over react because things are changing once again. They no longer feel safe or they don't feel like things in their life are not permanent or secure. Security plays a big factor in adoption but I'll address that later and separately.
Do you have experience with this issue? Or do you have advice about how to be consistent?
Feel free to share it here in the comments below!
~The Adopted Child
Did You Know?
Everyone Wants To Be Loved
Everyone needs and wants to be 'loved', not in a sensual and fuzzy way either. We want to know that someone cares about us, who desire for us to be around them, to be accepted and never judged. Every child who is placed for adoption, has a double need to be loved by someone. The child may be young, they may be a teenager, no matter how old they are, they know that deep inside them, they want to be loved and because they didn't get this kind of love the first time around from their biological parents, the need to be loved becomes even more desirable.
Here's the catch though, some adopted children as they get older, don't know how to be loved, it's a foreign concept to them. They are not used to being loved and being loved for all the right reasons, they are not used to someone showing them kindness to them because they are worth it.
This is usually the case in children who have been adopted past the age of 1 or 2 years old.
I struggle today as a 30 year old with allowing people to love me because the first and second time in my life where it should have been shown to me, it wasn't. There was this natural feeling and wall that went up in my heart deep down inside that just wouldn't let people love me for the longest time. Why would someone want to love me if my bio parents or even my adopted parent didn't love me? It's taken time to let that wall down and I've made progress in allowing others to love me and accept me for who I am.
Love those in your life 'unconditionally' but don't put a time limit on how long it takes for some one to allow you to love them. Just keep showing them what true love love is and they will catch on. Don't force it upon them, when they know you love them for all the right reasons, they will let you in.
~The Adopted Child
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