My Nanny knew and she didn't have to say a word. She didn't always get to ‘save’ me though, she tried though, bless her heart she tried. She couldn't understand why us kids were expected to act like robots or like were going through refining school. Yes, we were expected to say ‘yes sir’ and ‘yes ma’am’ and all, but that is normal, anybody in Texas knows you always say that and use your manners. But, Michael and I were not allowed to casually sit and engage in normal conversations with the family members. We were sent away to play or be someplace else where we couldn't hear the grownups talking. I had a good ear though and could hear things from a good distance. The adopted mother soon realized I was good at this too and I was always sent far away from any conversation she would be having with anybody. I understood that I didn't always need to with the adults but for the most part, I just wanted to be around people. Not only that, but I was getting older, almost 13 and I wanted to feel like an adult or something close to it. I wasn't a toddler or a kindergartner anymore. I was growing up.
I was definitely not allowed to wear make up or anything similar to it. I was given lip gloss one year for Christmas and was so naive to believe I was actually being given make up, only to be told that it wasn't But, I was soon not allowed those small pretty things. They were taken away and never bought for me either. I wanted ear rings and remember asking the adopted mother one day why I had scars in my ears. She told me that my ears were pierced when they got me as a toddler but she had them taken out and the holes were left to close up. Little did I know that when I was 18 and away from home that those holes had been opened my whole life. I used to wonder if the adopted mother knew that. I asked her about getting earrings and getting my ears pierced again and she would always tell me that I could when I turned the age she was when she had hers done, she was 16. I couldn't wait! But, 16 came and went and that promise became a lie and it never happened. I didn't deserve it was the response I was given the last time I asked about it. Why? Why didn't I deserve it? Why did I deserve to be lied to?